This weekend was my annual trip to the Missouri Valley Conference tournament. I came to the realization that I’ve been to 7 consecutive conference tournaments and 9 out of the last 11. It’s shocking to me how old I’m getting. I was there to cheer on my Alma mater, Missouri State, and consume mass quantities of alcohol. Pretending you are still a college student for 3 days a year is still socially acceptable I think.
Despite 12 years of missing the NCAA Tournament (hello Barry Hinson era) I had reason to be hopeful for the Bears chances this year. Coach Cuonzo Martin had the team playing well and they managed a 15-3 record and their first ever MVC regular season title. Things were looking up for the program. But the MVC was down this year as it has been recently and it was looking like a 1 bid league again. So the only way for the Bears to make the NCAA tournament was to win the MVC outright or sit on our (pretty weak) resume and pray for an at large spot.
Day 1
The Bears had the #1 seed in the tournament and drew Southern Illinois who is an absolutely terrible team and had just lost to MSU by 20 points. We weren’t worried. I kicked the day off at 9am with my old roommate Jon and served up some beer, mimosas, and bagels. Things were looking good for some epic belligerence. This game was a lot closer than it should’ve been. The Bears could not make a shot. It was awful. We actually left our seats in disgust with 2 minutes to go and the Bears down by 9. After a last second change of heart we stayed in the arena and watched the game from the SRO section. Thank God we stayed. The Bears finally put it all together and went on an 11-0 run to win the game 58-56. We were pumped but definitely worried about the next game. On the way out I think I managed to berate (good naturedly) both Springfield broadcasting “legend” Art Hains and former AD Bill Rowe. Good times.
Now the fun really started. We met one of my coworkers (an SIU alum) in the Scottrade garage to gloat and do a little post-game drinking. They all seemed relatively happy since this now means they can fire their coach Chris Lowery. Somehow (and this is where I’m getting hazy) we managed to get into a suite for the second game. Here’s the view:
Since there was free beer I was ready to hunker down for rest of the afternoon. That was until Jon said “Dude let’s get out of here.” I didn’t get it. Then he said “Let’s get out of here NOW!” Ok then. So we left and when we hit the street I realized why. Jon proceeded to projectile vomit about 30-40 feet. I mean this was a rocket. Totally epic. We were also in a crowd of people so we got the hell out of there real quick.
Now let me tell you about Jon. His situation (read: WIFE) doesn’t allow him to drink very often so when he decides to throw down it usually goes horribly wrong. He even found out he had a curfew of 8pm (yes that is true) so he wanted to stay out longer. Which led to this:
He took a little nappy at Houlihan’s. But then he still wanted to stay out. So we ended up going to my new favorite bewb-tastic restaurant Show Me’s. It’s sort of like Hooters except the food is 100% inedible and the waitress are at least semi-attractive. Jon eventually gave up so we did manage to get him home by his curfew and spare me the wrath of another pissed off wife.
Day 2
The coeds were looking good on Saturday:
On day 2 I tore one off again. This time with my brother and dad. It was a similar story for Missouri State. They shot like crap and generally played poorly but still won. This time over Creighton 60-50. My dad can keep up with us (at least he thinks so) so it was a pretty good time. We took the Metrolink back to Show Me’s to see the sights then we went to Morgan Street and had some drinks and (possibly?) danced around like idiots. Soon we had to send daddy back home to St. Charles County on the train. He was done for.
This would’ve been a good place to stop but since we had to miss Mardi Gras this year we called a few people over to my house for a Hurricance. Somehow this lasted until 2am. Not a good idea. A (nameless) few of us were non-functional by Sunday.
Day 3
By day 3 I was dogging it and so was everybody else. We met up with about 10 people who had driven in from various parts of the state to see this championship game. They would have to face the long drive home disappointed.
Again the Bears looked like garbage. After shooting 19% in the second half (yes that is accurate) they somehow still had a chance to win. But Jermaine Mallet dribbled the ball off his foot with 3 seconds left for the turnover. Talk about a kick in the stomach.
So now we sit on the bubble again. Yahoo, Pat Forde, Joe Lunardi and The KC Star have us out of the NCAA tournament. It could be the 4th snub in 12 years for these Bears. That sucks.
March 7th, 2011
Hello? Is this thing on? I haven’t written a blog in 9 months and since I have so many lame married friends living vicarious I really need to keep up with this. Here’s a recap of the last 9 months in pictures.
In June I took a trip to Hermann Wine Country. The train ride was fun, the town is very nice, and the wine sucks. I still managed to drink 4 bottles. Passed out by 6pm and barfed all the next day. I think I’ve drank 2 glasses of wine since then.
This summer I built a fence. If you read Updates from the Alley you know that this was beyond necessary. Way too much sketchiness in my first year in this house.
It was pretty simple especially since we started with the pre-fab panels from Home Depot.
Fully assembled:
This is the best thing I have done to the house so far. No shootouts or ditched getaway cars in the yard since this project was finished.
I spent the 4th of July at the Lake of the Ozarks for 2 days of Killing Vegas shows. I don’t think I’ve ever drank that much light beer.
In August I took a trip to the beaches of Lower Alabama and grew an awesome beard:
Oil skimmers be damned:
In September I hosted a bachelor party:
Gah no pictures exist! I wish I could erase my brain of that night just as easily! Good God!
After surviving that bachelor party I served as best man to my old roommate Jon. This was my 2nd time serving as a best man and I’m scheduled to do it again later this year. After that I’m retiring from the best man business. I love you all now leave me alone. The amount of alcohol that I require to give a speech always leads to something like this:
For Halloween I went as Kenny FUCKING Powers. I was pretty popular all night. And by Popular I of course mean frat boys were shouting “You’re fucking out!” to me all night. Forti went as Evil Knievel and John went as some sort of Deacon. I like to think Latvian Orthodox. No Homo.
Another season of Rams football. Another season of drunks passing out all around us.
January 24th, 2011
Last weekend we trucked it down to Nashville for my friend Matt’s bachelor party. I didn’t really know what to expect since Nashville had gone through some really bad flooding the week before. Also I hadn’t seen Matt get super drunk since our trip to Austin in early 2009 so I wasn’t sure if he would survive.
On Friday we loaded up the family truckster (in this case a rented Jeep Commander) and braved bad storms and traffic for the 5 hour drive to Nashville. Once we got there it seemed the flooding had virtually disappeared. There was some dirt on a few buildings and Hooters was closed but beyond that there wasn’t really any noticeable damage. We were ready to party.
Our first stop: Layla’s Bluegrass Inn to see my favorite local band Jypsi. After watching their set and swilling some $1 PBR we went to Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge which was fairly insane. There was a competing bachelor party full of fratboy douche which I was sure would cause a fist fight. Luckily it didn’t happen. We closed the night out dancing to some country jams at The Stage.
On Saturday morning I woke up feeling like I had been kicked in the head by a mule. The room was destroyed from a late night White Castle run that I barely remember. I didn’t get out of bed until after noon then stumbled to a bar for some greasy food and little hair of the dog. That evening was more of the same: a mediocre Stout at Big River Brewing, dancing/shuffling at Decades, the Skynyrd/Nugent cover band at Big Shotz, then closing it out at The Stage. We waited until 5am for a pizza delivery then woke up 4 hours later for the drive home. Awesome.
Overall it was a successful weekend. Nobody died and nobody pulled a Mario Lopez.
May 17th, 2010
Wow I haven’t written a post since Nov 17th. Definitely not meeting the Project 52 challenge. At least I finally have something interesting enough to write about: This weekend I’m making my 6th trip to Las Vegas.
It’s hard to explain why but Vegas has always been my favorite place to visit. Maybe it’s because out of all the times I’ve been there this is the only photo that even approaches work safe:
That picture was taken in The Centrifuge at MGM. She was our bartender and in a quote I’ll always remember stated: “You guys need to move your beers; I’m going to dance up here.” Talk about awesome.
But that’s not my favorite Vegas moment. Oh no. How could it be? With stories like this to choose from:
- The time my brother was picked up by a Hooker at Tao
- The time I saw the Pledgemaster from Sorority Life at New York, New York (yes, this was a very popular MTV show at the time).
- After a night of drinking meeting two coeds at Studio 54 and coining the phrase “Two 4’s equals an 8!” (I had to wash my balls in boiling water the next day)
- Winning $250 in the Pleasure Pit with half a rod on.
- The time my brother and I spent 6 hours sitting drinking Everclear punch just because the bartender was hot. We passed out watching Everybody Loves Raymond at 11pm that night.
- The helicopter ride with the drunken redneck. The next morning – some 11 hours later – we saw him wandering the floor of the Rio with the same denim Austin jumpsuit he was wearing the night before.
- Spending some amount of money – $40/$60? – at an O2 bar with the Oldanis. Seriously who does that?
Sure I’ve gotten into plenty of ridiculous situations here at home but nothing like Vegas. And that’s why I love it.
This will be my first Super Bowl weekend in Vegas so we’re looking for a good place to party. Maybe all you can eat buffet/drinks. Anybody have any good places?
February 2nd, 2010
This weekend I was tasked with hosting a bachelor party for my friend Laef. Now I’ve attended many bachelor parties in my time with varying degrees of debauchery but I’ve never had to plan one myself. I can have fun doing anything but making sure somebody is doing something they enjoy is not something I’m used to (I’m selfish like that). Laef opted for a chilled out weekend at Lake Tahoe – a place I’d never been but was looking forward to.
The trip to Reno took about 6 hours. This was complicated by the fact that I was seated next to a giant who needed a seat belt extension just to fit into his seat. He was ON me all flight. Awful. By the time I got a rental, drove the hour to Tahoe, and checked into the cabin I was ready for a beer. In fact it’s safe to say I’ve never been more ready for a beer in my entire life.
The first night we stayed in the Cabin. Drinking, playing Wii, smoking cigars, and relaxing in the hot tub. It was great.
The next day was even better. After waking with a blistering headache I still managed to drink a few beers with my eggs (Blue Moon truly is a breakfast beer). We played some Hold ‘em, BBQ’d lunch, smoked more cigars, and hit the Tub again before getting ready to head out.
We hit the Montbleau casino in Stateline first. This was based on a recommendation by our cab driver (who was either a millionaire or a compulsive liar). We hit the sportsbook and for the first time in my life every bet I placed came in. I took the Lakers and the Under and also bet on the Padres to beat the Cubs which they did. My winnings went a long way since they had drink specials of $7 pitchers and $3 Jäger Bombs.
Later that night Mike was DEALT this hand (there’s a reason this picture is blurry):
which paid for dinner and a round of beers.
…Skipping over some things for privacy/survival reasons (there’s a reason there aren’t more pictures)…..
Then we played blackjack until 4am. We headed back to the cabin played a little Wii and tried to choke down some Jalapeno Poppers (which were Nast!) then crashed out. Because I was with a few dipshits we had to wake up at 7am and drive the hour to Reno to catch their flight. 2 hours of sleep was not good times. I spent an additional 3 hours in the airport waiting for my flight then spent 6 hours on a plane until I made it home safely to STL.
All in all a good weekend. Fun was had, beer was consumed, and Laef had a good time. Now I’ll be spending the next week drinking water and eating vegetables.
May 26th, 2009
On Saturday I hosted what will hopefully become an annual tradition – the STL BreweryFest. In the 5 years that I’ve been back in St. Louis I’d never taken the Anheuser-Busch tour. That had to end. After mapping out a plan to hit some of the microbreweries in the area (3 at least, 9 at most) we were set.
Layla and I woke up early and rode down to AB with the Oldangerouses to take in some Clydesdales, Beechwood Aging, and free samples. I was a little surprised to see that Stella Artois was on tap but I guess it’s all part of the InBev family now. I had an American Ale and a Shocktop. Both were delicious.
The second stop was Square One Brewery in Lafayette Square. I hadn’t been here before since I never hang out in that neighborhood. We were joined by my cousin, his friend, and a very hungover Matt Smith. Now the party could start. The beer was actually very good. The Oatmeal Stout and Irish Red in particular were good. Some of the other participants recommended the Spicy Blonde but it wasn’t for me. Square One is also a distillery and they make their own Agave. TJ suggested we do a shot but I didn’t want to take a midday nap so we passed.
After some debate we decided to skip Morgan Street, The Stable, and Mattingly and head to a new place near SLU – Buffalo Brewing (nevermind that their website is terrible). I know bartenders hate making samplers but that’s what we were there for! We ordered 6 for the table. Even Matt sacked up and had a few. The Buffalo Gold was the lightest beer I’ve ever had and the Imperial IPA tasted like gasoline (100 IBU!) but the Belgian Dubbel and Extra Stout were holy delicious.
Our final stop was a place that I am all too familiar with – Schlafly Bottleworks. Considering I can walk there from my house it’s pretty safe to say I spend a significant amount of time there. The No. 15 and Kolsch did not disappoint. TJ managed to dump an entire beer on his wife and somehow my cousin got into a shouting match with a hippie while I wasn’t looking. Considering we’d been going for about 8 hours that was almost expected.
Next time we’ll have to hit Alandale, Trailhead, and Ofallon. St. Louis truly is Beer City, USA!
Special thanks to Mrs. Oldani for getting herself knocked up so she could be our Designated Dave all day long.
April 15th, 2009
Tonight is the beginning of an annual tradition. A weekend when I get together with my old college roommate and we head down to the Scottrade Center to cheer on our alma mater Missouri State at Arch Madness.
While this should be an occasion to catch up, watch some mediocre basketball, and talk about the good old days it always ends up a belligerent drunkfest in which we curse, booze, and quite possibly violate some minor civil ordinances. Generally we act like we’re 19 years old instead of in our mid to late 20’s. This year I’m going to try to avoid the Boone’s Farm and Keystone Light.
Here’s a couple pictures I dredged up from MVC Tournaments past:
March 5th, 2009
I’m getting to an age when many of my friends and family are getting married. In a given year I can expect to go to (or at least be invited to) 5-10 weddings in various locations around the country. This summer I’m going to LA for my friends Laef and Allison’s wedding and last weekend I was in Nashville for my cousin Chris’s wedding.
With all this Wedding Crashing I’ve noticed quite a trend. Everyone seems to play the same songs, have the same food, and have the same ceremony. Honestly I feel like I’ve been to the same wedding 40 times. While I usually have fun at these things mark me down for supporting originality.
Here are some observations and tips for those of you planning a wedding in the future.
- Lou Bega was born solely for the purpose of writing one song to be played at every white person’s wedding. Unfortunately it is the worst song ever written.
- Songs like the Chicken Dance, Electric Slide, American Pie, and others have to be eliminated from the wedding reception playlist. Be an individual. Don’t worry about making everyone else happy. You like rap? Play some rap songs. Like Nickelback? Well, you’re dumb but if it makes you happy play that too.
- Catholic weddings are the longest, Luthern is in the middle, and secular is the fastest. You really speed things up when you cut out all the God stuff.
- Bachelor parties have evolved from one night of debauchery to an entire 3 days of partying. I’ve been to or am scheduled to go to the following locations for bachelor parties: Lake of the Ozarks, Memphis, Chicago, Las Vegas, and Lake Tahoe. This is not necessarily a bad thing but it does leave a lot of room for getting in trouble and maintaining an extended hangover.
- An open bar should be mandatory. And not just beer and wine. I’m talking top shelf hard booze. Honestly it’s the reason everyone is attending this reception anyway.
- Speaking of drinking plan on getting belligerent. Wait until after 10pm to get super belligerent so as not to scare the children and elderly. But hey the alcohol is free right? Enjoy it!
- Regardless of religion most church ceremonies seem to be nearly identical. This is fine if you’re into tradition but don’t expect me to pay attention. Do something different. Have your wedding on a beach, on a boat, underwater, drop a disco ball in there. Just something different!
- If you’re in St. Louis please don’t serve mostaccioli for dinner. I’ve literally had this dish at EVERY St. Louis wedding I’ve ever been too. Fish and chicken are fine but skip the rehashed pasta dish.
- Consider having your reception in a hotel or somewhere that’s easy to catch a cab home. You’re serving unlimited alcohol to your drunk Uncle Teddy you don’t want him to end up dead!
- If I’m going to be forced to dance allow me to get a few cocktails in first. Play some low key music during dinner and then give a little time for drinks. If I’m going to bust it to Mike Jones I’m going to need a little lubrication.
- DO NOT hire the “wild and wacky DJ guy”. Nothing is more annoying than having a DJ screaming at me to get on the dance floor while I’ve got a mouth full of shrimp puffs.
- In fact do you know who the best DJ would be? You! Just create a playlist on your iPod and have one of your friends run it. That way you’ll have 100% control over the music and it won’t cost you an arm and a leg.
- Have at least one single person in the bridal party. This way it’s much more likely she’ll hook up with some random family member and you can gossip about it for years to come!
February 10th, 2009
Up In Smoke
That’s where my money goes
In my lungs
and sometimes up my nose.
– Cheech & Chong, Up In Smoke
Last night I headed out to The Pageant to catch Cheech & Chong’s reunion show Cheech & Chong Light Up America. When I was little I remember watching the movies Up in Smoke and Nice Dreams and laughing yet not entirely understanding the jokes. Now that I’m older I was fully prepared for a night of stoner comedy.
The 7:30 show had sold out so we ended up getting tickets for the 9pm show. A planned a little later Sunday night than usual but nothing too extreme. But of course the show started late (never trust stoners to be punctual) and we ended up waiting in a line about 4 blocks long in 20° temperatures for roughly an hour. It wouldn’t have be so bad if we weren’t getting accosted by the homeless and the drunk/high people coming out of the early show.
The show itself was good not great. The pair did bits from Up in Smoke and sang the classic songs Born in East LA and Mexican American. I laughed but was often distracted by the obnoxious audience members seated near me. To be expected I suppose.
After leaving the theater and maneuvering through the parking lot I didn’t get home until after 1am. Definitely too late on a school night. Oh the things I do to myself to get a little culture.
January 19th, 2009
There are many different things you might find me doing on a weekend: sports bar, beer, football, strip club, movies, napping, growing a beard, and lounging. None of these things would be considered particularly “classy”. This weekend was a little different. Everything I did either supported the arts or was a notch above what you otherwise may find me doing. I had culture shooting out of my ass.
A recap:
Friday Normally my musical tastes skew toward a combination of Death Metal, 70’s Country, and Gangsta Rap but my girlfriend has a thing for Jazz. I decided to humor her (once!) and we headed to Jazz at the Bistro in Grand Center to see her friend Shaun Robinson play. They were a very talented group of guys and while Jazz is typically not my thing I would go back and see them again. We capped the evening with a couple martinis at Jimmy’s On The Park.
Saturday While I did allow myself some time to watch my beloved Tide stomp Mississippi State 32-7 football did not dominate my Saturday for the first time in 11 weeks. Instead we headed to Frontenac with some friends to see Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in) at the St. Louis International Film Festival. This was a Swedish film which “tells a darkly atmospheric, poetic and surprisingly tender story of adolescence … and vampirism.” It was excellent. It tells the story of a 12 year old loner who befriends a vampire of the same age. After awhile the subtitles were not at all distracting and the film had some great visuals. Unfortunately Let the Right One In is scheduled to be remade and bastardized by Matt Reeves (Cloverfield). We finished the night discussing the movie over a bottle of Syrah at Sasha’s Wine Bar in Clayton.
Sunday Since I’ve given up on the Rams this season I figured I’d stick with the theme of the weekend and see what other educational experiences I could drum up. I ended up at the Missouri History Museum in Forest Park. While I typically find history somewhat interesting this place is a bore. It basically consisted of the history of beer, Charles Lindbergh, and the 1904 World’s Fair. I didn’t see any of the more interesting subjects like Harry S Truman, Missouri during the Civil War, history of architecture in St. Louis, etc. Mo History needs to step it up. I really think St. Louis needs to step up and build some world class museums like Chicago. I then spent some time walking around the park and Wash U – where I’m considering going to business school but probably won’t ($68,000????). After the walk I headed over to the Tivoli and saw another movie being featured in the festival, a documentary called Number One With A Bullet. It “explores the interrelationships between guns, poverty, drugs, hip-hop culture and cultural violence”. It featured interviews with Mos Def, KRS-One, Obie Trice, Ice Cube, and others discussing the institutional violence in the innercity. This one was good but not great.
So there you have it. Jazz, martinis, foreign films, and museums. This was definitely a different type of weekend for me. It was nice but I’m ready to get back on track by attending the Metallica show tonight!!!
November 17th, 2008
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