Well I’ve been back in town for 2 weeks now and I still haven’t written about my trip to California. I’ll get to covering the whole trip next week but first I want to address something specific – the toast I gave to Laef and Allison at their wedding.
I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily bad at public speaking. I mean I give presentations all the time but this was different. This one involved me saying something nice about people. I’m pretty much dead inside so that makes it difficult for me. I was actually nervous. That was surprising. I haven’t felt like that since college and I had to give a presentation on Strategic Management and Lean Operations after not cracking the book for an entire semester.
I think these pictures speak volumes.
Before the toast:
Rocking the mic:
After the toast:
I followed the basic template — introduce yourself, say something funny, tell a story about the groom, thank everyone, and wish the couple well. It went over OK I think. I managed to get through it without any F-bombs or tales of binge drinking and promiscuity (and that was just about the bride!).
Reflecting on my toast there are I few things I meant to say that I didn’t remember to. I think the next time I give a toast I’ll be better prepared and maybe not write it in the limo ride before the ceremony!
August 7th, 2009
In his new book Michael Kimmel questions why young men are delaying adulthood to continue to party with their friends. While the book mainly focuses on a group of douchebag fraternity-types who are out to get drunk, sleep with as many women as possible, and delay entering the workforce I can still find myself relating to these guys.
While I don’t consider myself a “bro” and my life isn’t filled with Jaeger Bombs and promiscuous sex (although I’ve had my moments) I have to disagree with Kimmel’s assertion that these guys are Peter Pans who are delaying becoming “real men.” I’m 26 and while I do have a real job I have no desire to be married and have children at this point in my life. Does that men I’m not a real man? No. I’d rather spend time with my friends, travel, and focus on myself for awhile. There’s not rush for a family and a house in the suburbs. I should be shooting loads for 50+ more years so I don’t really see the point of having kids while you’re in your 20’s. But that doesn’t mean I’m trapped in adolescence. I think Kimmel is writing from the perspective of a baby boomer who comes from a time when men were expected to have a wife and 2 kids by the time they were 28. Times have changed.
***
While I was reading about Guyland I came across another awesome/obnoxious book titled Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk. In it Daniel Maurer coins some new terms men should be using while they are around one another. It’s mostly stupid but a few made me laugh:
- Cupgrade – to upgrade to a girl with a bigger bra size.
- Trojan whores — hot chicks that you hide amidst in order to get into a club.
While I’m not proud of it I had my own set of ridiculous Dude Talk when I was in college. Some of the ones I can remember:
- The D.U.F.F. – Designated Ugly Fat Friend. You have to get in good with her before you upgrade to her hotter friend.
- Parking Lot Pimping – After last call and while everyone is all boozed up you search the parking lot of the club for your conquest.
Still I promise I’m not a “bro”.
September 10th, 2008
The USDA recommends we consume around 2,000 calories a day. Allowing for slight variations in height/weight and activity level I’m guessing I should be consuming around 2,800 calories a day to maintain the 220 lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal™ I’m currently carrying around. But all this counting calories/carbs/fat/sugar is hard! Especially since I’m fully living the bachelor lifestyle and any expectations of regular fruit or non-fried vegetable consumption are officially nil.
Last week I was at my local Schnucks doing my least favorite chore – grocery shopping – in the only manner I can tolerate: breezing through the aisles not really paying attention to things like the items I’m grabbing or their cost all the while grumbling under my breath at the old people who get in my way. This is a tried and true system. I usually end up with enough food to eat 2 full meals a week, possibly a lunch, and strong enough coffee to raise the dead.
But something happened last week. After performing my usual shopping sprint/geriatric dodgeball session I rolled up to the register and started unloading my haul. I looked down into my cart and realized the sum total of what I’m going to be subsisting on this week: 6 rolls of toilet paper, a gallon of milk, and 6 cans of soup. That’s it! Somehow I’d managed to sleep-shop my way to a week of tomato soup and beef stew. Awesome!
This got me thinking. What if instead of counting calories I counted cans? Imagine that – Well today I had a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew, Green Giant Corn, and 6 Bud Lights. Well that’s less that 10 cans I guess I’m good. Choosing a balanced diet would be so much easier! Not to mention the grocery store adventures could be cut to < 8 minutes. I can't even imagine where this would put my daily sodium intake level.
My new food pyramid:
May 19th, 2008
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